the real slim shady

im just a girl who thinks shes funnier than she really is and has no idea what to do when she grows up even though shes kind of already grown up so fuck her life right
“Elephants have been known to die of broken hearts if a mate dies. They refuse to eat and will lay down, shedding tears until they starve to death. They refuse all human help.”

“Elephants have been known to die of broken hearts if a mate dies. They refuse to eat and will lay down, shedding tears until they starve to death. They refuse all human help.”

(Source: cakenap, via samilano)

letterstogodptiii:

tea-books-and-blankets:

yaygocats:

discomplete:

“i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography

“I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.

“I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy 

“I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book

(via soulsistalesbo)

lalalafrickyou:

bloody-nips:

i’m watching Extreme Couponing and i just saw a woman rack up a charge of over $1000 and then her coupon game was so fucking raw by the end of it the store owed her $8. what the fuck

“her coupon game was so fuckin raw” is basically the best string of words ever concocted

(via senorbigwood)